One Week Post Op

When I was 10 years old, my brother underwent surgery for his finger, and I remember going to the hospital thinking, “Wow, this is cool, being given warm blankets and that bed looks comfy.” Well, the warm blankets are nice, but the beds are small as fuck and surgery is NOT cool. It turns out getting holes drilled into your knee hurts more than I thought it would.

The first dose of anesthesia was funny before the surgery, especially when I would not shut up about one of the doctors asking me if I was Korean because I was actually so flattered (anyone who has had a conversation with me about Koreans knows that I think they are the prettiest Asians). But, the effects of the anesthesia and all the pain meds are awful; they leave you feeling extremely weak and tired. You become entirely reliant on others to help you because you cannot function at all on your own. Therefore, my conclusion is that surgery freakin sucks.

To repair the ACL, you must replace the damaged ligament with a new one. There are different sources to retrieve this new ligament. Mine was grafted from my hamstring tendon, so my hamstring hurt like shit after the operation. I woke up from the anesthesia because of the pain in the back of my leg, so my post-op nurse had to give me three doses of pain medicine and a dose of anti-inflammatory medicine before he could let me go. Any kind of tension or pressure on my hamstring was probably one of the worst pains I’ve ever experienced. Going to the bathroom was a nightmare because that required me to get up and sit down twice, and it hurt like hell / took forever to do either. Around 6 am on the second day post-op, I woke up with tears in my eyes from my whole leg absolutely throbbing because I hadn’t taken any oxy for about 8 hours, the worst decision ever. I could not sleep on a bed for three days because it was too firm and I could not keep my leg completely straight in the brace without my hamstring cramping. ALSO, I DID NOT SHOWER FOR 4 WHOLE ASS DAYS. Granted I wasn’t doing anything, but my hair was thick, oily, and caked with dry shampoo. To say the least, I was (am) a fucking mess; further proving my point that surgery sucks.

I’ll compare rehab to healthy eating; you know that it’s good for you and will ultimately benefit you in the long run, but in the moment, that shit sucks too. I do feel like my knee is getting stronger in rehab, and I’ve been doing exercises at home to get the ball rolling, but damn that shit hurts. I like rehab though because it’s giving me just the slightest sense of purpose. I think if I have some vision of where I want to head, I’ll be okay. But in the meantime, I can tell you what else sucks about having knee surgery: the brace, the crutches, and not being able to walk. The brace is bulky and uncomfortable, to sit in, to sleep in, to walk in, fucking everything about it. My hands and armpits want to kill me from using crutches, but that is a familiar experience. And besides the fact I’m losing weight from muscle loss, I’m definitely losing weight from not being able to go to the kitchen and get my own snacks. So I guess that is good, but as mentioned before, it sucks.

On the seventh day, God rested, but I, of course, started summer school. I must have crutched about a half mile throughout the whole day, and that shit also sucked. My encounter with two iguanas during lunch was the highlight of my day. Miami Dade College North is full of the fuckers but my idiot self decided that it would be a good idea to sit at one of the shaded tables outside that NOBODY ELSE was sitting at because, I discover, they are hubs for the fucking iguanas. As I threatened to hit one iguana and actually hit the other with my crutches, my graceful screams and winces of pain from flinching attracted several students’ attention, who were probably thinking, “Look as this dumb ass Asian (ha that’s an oxymoron) sitting by herself hitting the iguanas.” So first day of school went well.

I think what makes this so difficult are my dreams. Now more than ever, I dream that I can walk, run, and play. Waking up to a stiff and swollen knee that throbs if it’s too straight or bent past 90 after dreaming that I was walking or running, that hurt me the most. I’m glad I viewed the world with rose-colored glasses before the surgery because I’ve been a piss pot for the last week. But I think it’s safe to say I have returned to my human self. Sorry this post is long, thank you those who have made it all the way down here, but clearly there was a lot of sucking this week to recount in this blog.

Pre and post op

Great Reveal

Sorry for my bitch face at the end. My dad was behind the camera, it's sometimes my immediate reaction.